I’m Mae, an entirely weird autistic, antisocial, overweight single woman plagued by constant depression, self-doubt and marathon length bouts of procrastination.
I am based in the south of England and my life counter has so far hit 34.
I am autistic, or on the Autism Spectrum, though some time ago I would have been classed as having Asperger Syndrome. You can find out more about what this means on the National Autistic Society page. Though my diagnosis didn’t happen until well into my adult life, and thus for most of it I simply thought of myself as ‘weird’.
I suffer from a variety of issues, many connected to the above, such as depression, anxiety, fear of social situations, new and unknown situations, fear of crowded spaces, autistic burnout, autistic inertia – all of which I am hoping to write about.
I also have weight issues due to an unhealthy relationship with food, which inturn causes issues with self-esteem, body image, confidence and the like. Though not having been officially diagnosed yet, I likely have a Binge Eating Disorder, which though less known than such things as Anorexia or Bulimia is a polar opposite of those and also a serious and potentially dangerous condition, which I have been struggling with for years. You can find out more about this on the NHS website.
It feels like my existence has always been an uphil struggle, a constant battle with reality, an attempt to undestand the rules and the mechanics governing human existence, society and all that. A largely unsuccessful one. I have so many faults, it’s difficult to even think of them all on the spot. I suppose, in that way, I am just like any other person out there – perfectly flawed.
And so, after 30-something years of struggling and failing to get a hang of this thing called Life, I’ve decided to finally try something new. And this is it.
I am hoping that this blog will become a form of self-regulations, self-motivation, something to make me feel more in control of my reality through writing about it, but also more accountable, knowing that I am no longer just making empty promises to myself but that my intentions, plans, wishes and ideas are somewhere out there, for people to see.
And this is where you come in – the reader, the audience, this mysterious guest taking a peek into my strange life. I do hope that you’ll stay, and watch me struggle, and hopefully watch me grow. I hope you will say hello, and I hope that somewhow, across the vastness of the internet, we will become friends, and that perhaps in time maybe my writing will be able to help you even a little bit – just like you being here helped me.